Recently, I had the pleasure of teaching with my wife, Missy, as we tackled the topic of "Learning How to Pray Together as a Couple." It was a blast and we all laughed a lot. What is not funny is that for first time marriages the divorce rate is about 41%, second marriages is about 60% and third marriages is about 73%. The divorce rate is about the same for those in the church as for those not in the church. A new study found that 1% of marriages where the couple prays together gets divorced. 99% success rate is a pretty encouraging statistic! So, why do couples not pray together more? We will get to that in a minute.
Here are a few reasons that we should pray together more as couples.
Prayer promotes unity in your family but it is hard because it takes two to be in a marriage! Meshing dreams, desires, attitudes and habits is challenging. In the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes 3:22 we read, "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken."
Praying together promotes good communication and emotional intimacy. God can help bring down the walls that separate you due to busyness, workaholism, unforgiveness, strife, boredom and child rearing. If God commands you to pray for your enemies, how much more does He want you to pray for and with the person with whom you have become one?
Praying together invites God to work in your relationship. For a marriage to last and be happy and fulfilling, three parties need to be involved; the husband, the wife and the Lord. The more you pray together, the more you will see God do great things.
Before you start, take the time to talk with each other about your thoughts and feelings about prayer and praying together. Don't try to pressure or make the other feel guilty. See if you can agree that this is something you both want in your marriage. Be vulnerable and talk about your fears.
Pick a specific time and make a commitment to each other to begin praying together at that time. Some of us are morning people and others are night owls. Pick a place as well. Then, don't be upset if you miss a day. Consistency will develop over time. Give each other permission to initiate, but one of you might want to "own" this responsibility. Start where you are both comfortable. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Agree at the beginning that neither of you will preach in your praying. Don't scold or nag! A very common fear is that one's spouse will use this time to preach rather than to pray.
Start with a list or agenda of things you might want to pray about. Try using something like the acronym "ACTS" as a model. "A" is for adoration and praising God for who He is. "C" is for confession, things we did or things we should have done. "T"is for thanksgiving, being thankful for the blessings we enjoy or recounting answered prayers. "S" is for supplication, which means praying for ourselves and for others.
OK, so HOW do we do it?!? Here are a few options to consider;
Pray silently together. Just because you agree to pray together does not mean you have to do it out loud. Sit down and hold hands, share a few mutual concerns then say, "Let's pray about this." Whoever finishes first should squeeze the other's hand to signal that they are done. When the other person finishes, he or she squeezes back. Congratulations! You have just prayed together!
Finish the silent prayer aloud. This is just an extension of the way described above. Instead of ending the time of prayer together with a squeeze of the hand, agree that after a squeeze of the hand, the other person will finish the silent prayer out loud. A very simple sentence just like thanking God for the time you just shared together.
Write out your prayer. Try writing out a short, simple prayer that is meaningful to you. When you both come together to pray, just read them out loud. Enjoy hearing each other talk to God.
Pray out loud together, daily. Hopefully, at this stage, you are now comfortable enough with the process that you can speak out loud your prayers in front of our spouse.
Practice "vulnerable" prayer. This is the kind of prayer that each of you may fear what it means to pray together. It can be difficult, but in this type of prayer, we are vulnerable and bring out our failures, struggles and openly talk with God in front of our spouse. Remember, the goal is not to pray vulnerably together, but it is simply to pray together, consistently.
Here are a few reasons that we should pray together more as couples.
Prayer promotes unity in your family but it is hard because it takes two to be in a marriage! Meshing dreams, desires, attitudes and habits is challenging. In the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes 3:22 we read, "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken."
Praying together promotes good communication and emotional intimacy. God can help bring down the walls that separate you due to busyness, workaholism, unforgiveness, strife, boredom and child rearing. If God commands you to pray for your enemies, how much more does He want you to pray for and with the person with whom you have become one?
Praying together invites God to work in your relationship. For a marriage to last and be happy and fulfilling, three parties need to be involved; the husband, the wife and the Lord. The more you pray together, the more you will see God do great things.
Before you start, take the time to talk with each other about your thoughts and feelings about prayer and praying together. Don't try to pressure or make the other feel guilty. See if you can agree that this is something you both want in your marriage. Be vulnerable and talk about your fears.
Pick a specific time and make a commitment to each other to begin praying together at that time. Some of us are morning people and others are night owls. Pick a place as well. Then, don't be upset if you miss a day. Consistency will develop over time. Give each other permission to initiate, but one of you might want to "own" this responsibility. Start where you are both comfortable. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Agree at the beginning that neither of you will preach in your praying. Don't scold or nag! A very common fear is that one's spouse will use this time to preach rather than to pray.
Start with a list or agenda of things you might want to pray about. Try using something like the acronym "ACTS" as a model. "A" is for adoration and praising God for who He is. "C" is for confession, things we did or things we should have done. "T"is for thanksgiving, being thankful for the blessings we enjoy or recounting answered prayers. "S" is for supplication, which means praying for ourselves and for others.
OK, so HOW do we do it?!? Here are a few options to consider;
Pray silently together. Just because you agree to pray together does not mean you have to do it out loud. Sit down and hold hands, share a few mutual concerns then say, "Let's pray about this." Whoever finishes first should squeeze the other's hand to signal that they are done. When the other person finishes, he or she squeezes back. Congratulations! You have just prayed together!
Finish the silent prayer aloud. This is just an extension of the way described above. Instead of ending the time of prayer together with a squeeze of the hand, agree that after a squeeze of the hand, the other person will finish the silent prayer out loud. A very simple sentence just like thanking God for the time you just shared together.
Write out your prayer. Try writing out a short, simple prayer that is meaningful to you. When you both come together to pray, just read them out loud. Enjoy hearing each other talk to God.
Pray out loud together, daily. Hopefully, at this stage, you are now comfortable enough with the process that you can speak out loud your prayers in front of our spouse.
Practice "vulnerable" prayer. This is the kind of prayer that each of you may fear what it means to pray together. It can be difficult, but in this type of prayer, we are vulnerable and bring out our failures, struggles and openly talk with God in front of our spouse. Remember, the goal is not to pray vulnerably together, but it is simply to pray together, consistently.
I love this. Thanks so much for following the Lord and starting this site.
ReplyDeleteLove this "how to" for praying together as a couple. I know many people want to but aren't sure how to get started. Thanks for the encouragement to make it a habit in our marriages!
ReplyDelete